Question by katie: child with anxiety?
My 9 year old step-daughter has some anxiety problems. She gets extremely uncomfortable in new situations around new people, even when we are with her. She will start cying uncontrollably where she can’t breathe. I fee like we can’t take her anywhere in public because I don’t want to upset her or make her uncomfortable. Her mother and father do not have a good relationship at all (which is more than likely part of her anxiety). Her mother had her see a therapist one time that I know of, but I don’t know if she is attending regularly or anything. Do you have any suggestions for me as to what I can do to help her? Thank you.

Best answer:

Answer by alice
That really does sound like a serious anxiety disorder. I would try to take her into therapy again, just to let her talk it out.

I would be careful who you take her to though because even at that young age some doctors are quick to medicate for problems that can easily be resolved in therapy.

Good luck!

Answer by phoebe1932willey
How lovely of you to want to help this child and what a caring step-mum you must be. I do hope you have a good relationship with her which clearly you appear to have. Keep up the good work.

This child is clearly upset by the breakdown of the relationship with her own parents and they do not appear to be helping the situation and so it is little wonder this little girl is anxious. She does not understand why her father and mother cannot communicate as they should, she may feel she is the reason for the break-up when of course, in reality she is not at all.

Have you tried talking to her about her mother and father? Choose your words carefully and make the sound of your voice gentle and quiet. The important thing here is for the relationship between the pair of you to be a loving one with no raised voices or accusing words. Your main concern is for this little girl in the long run and she needs to know that with you, she is safe and comfortable.

Can I suggest that her father and you have a quiet and realistic conversation over a period of a few days to see what constructive and positive measures you can find in order to make life more comfortable for the child? Seek professional help via the doctor’s surgery for suggestions on how to deal with this problem.

It is little wonder this child is anxious under the circumstances but it is up the adults to take some positive steps to find answers. Children are often caught up in the battles of adults when there is a breakdown in a relationship and of course, they should not. Adults get angry with their spouses and do not stop and think of the consequences on the child. It is little wonder this little girl is so confused and anxious.

Have a look on the internet to see if there are any organisations out there that may give you some useful suggestions. There is Gingerbread which is for single parents and they have a wealth of information at their fingertips and could give you some useful pointers.

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