Question by Ashlyn: Help with custody, 15 year old?
Thew whole thing’s a really long story but I’ll try to make it as short as I can. (Oh by the way I am 15 years old.)

My mom has always been an alcoholic and a not very fit parent for as long as I can remember. So my grandparents have been fighting for custody of me for as long as I can remember also. They ended up getting temporary custody of me around the time when I was 4 years old until I was about 8 years old.

So back to my mom.. Like I said she’s been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. There are lots of things that have happened. She’s been arrested for it many times. Once was because of me actually because I work up the nerve to tell my grandma to call the police when she was hitting me and yelling at me and just hurting me in many ways.

As I sorta mentioned before though I don’t think I can take much more of the mental and physical “abuse”. I’ve been so depressed for so long I can’t remember the last time I was even a little bit happy.

And last year on top of it all I found out I had had a brain tumor for 4 years (with a few other conditions it caused) and that I had only days left if I hadn’t have gone in. The reason I even went in in the first place is because my grandma finally convinced my mom to take me after she refused to for so many years.

Also, I just moved for the first time two years ago so I had to switch schools for the first time too. That’s taken a great toll on me also and I’m having trouble with school because of that and the brain tumor.

So now that I feel you have most of the “back story” my question is:
After almost everybody recommending me to move back in with my grandparents I’ve decided I think it’s a good idea although I will miss my mom but it’s not like I’ll totally stop seeing her all together. I think it’ll really make me feel much better and boost both my physical and mental health. The problem is neither of my grandparents nor I know how to have them get custody of me. On top of it all I’m terrified to even ask my mom for such a thing let alone if I had to go to court or something. Does anybody know what I should do? I’m really lost and really in need of help.

Thank you ^-^

Best answer:

Answer by FroggyB
To get custody legally, your grandparents would have to petition the court and prove that your mother is unfit. That means that you and your grandparents would have to testify about alcohol abuse and poor treatment of you.
To have custody transferred to someone who is not a parent, things have to be pretty severe. It would be an ugly process if your mother wasn’t cooperative. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t consider doing it – but you should go into it knowing it would be painful and would have long-term ramifications on your relationship with your mother.

Something else to consider: the courts would also look at your grandparent’s health, financial stability, family support systems, and other factors. There’s a chance that the courts would not grant them custody for one reason or another, especially if you mother’s lawyer made a compelling argument that they were also unfit for some reason. Where would that leave you?

You have a few other options to consider. First, you might see if your mother would voluntarily allow you to go live with your grandparents. Write a letter to her or have a sit-down talk when she is sober and you aren’t upset with one another. Explain factual reasons why you feel this move would be best for both of you and reassure her that you still want to have her in your life. Ask her permission to “try out” the arrangement for a period of time.

Or, finally, consider that you might be able to get legally emancipated this year or next year, when you are 16. (This varies from state to state.) That means that you go to the courts and explain that you want to be considered an adult and make your own decisions. You would need to be employed, and you would need to demonstrate to the court that you are mature and independent. The advantage of seeking emancipation (rather trying to take custody from your mother) is that the courts would focus on you – how you are ready to live outside the home – rather than on the faults of your mother. In other words, there could be a lot less upset and emotional turmoil for all involved. The down side of emancipation would be that your mother would no longer be financially responsible for you as a dependent. This could be a problem because you would no longer be covered by her health insurance. This could be a big deal for you, since brain-related medical care is very, very expensive.

Your last option is to focus on preparing for college and the path ahead and try to tough it out with your mom for a few more years. That means strengthening your support systems and seeking solutions to the problems with your mother, such as finding a job to have more financial freedom, having short-term places to go where you feel safe when things get too rough, and finding ways to avoid conflict when your mother is in a dangerous mood. When you are able to drive, you’ll have more control over your life, even if you are still living at home. Above all, it means telling yourself often that you are strong enough to endure this for 3 more years, and keeping your eyes on the prize of what is next.

The best way to figure out which plan is best for you would be for you and your grandparents to sit down with a lawyer and/or a family counselor. Yes, it is expensive – but they are going to be able to outline all of the “pros and cons” of each possibility and that is much more valuable than any other advice you’ll receive.

Add your own answer in the comments!

 

Wonder Book of Fairy Tales

Filed under: solutions for alcohol abuse

$ 19.5 Million: Department of Agriculture grant to study solutions to the problem of climate change-induced bovine weight loss, including slowly growing grass causing smaller cattle. …. $ 195,000: Cost of a party thrown by the Department of Health and …
Read more on National Review Online

 

Ghana,the challenge is huge!

Filed under: solutions for alcohol abuse

High levels of unemployment – leading to high incidences of poverty – a consequence of which are social vices such as early marriages and pregnancies; drug and alcohol abuse; broken families,prostitution and the presence of street children. Lately, the …
Read more on GhanaWeb

 

Christmas in a Conflict Zone

Filed under: solutions for alcohol abuse

One might associate the ills of drug and alcohol abuse to the dysfunctional family, poverty and insecurity. But the causes go far beyond those ills in society and the solutions are often in our hands. If we as humanity took the collective decision to …
Read more on Nehanda Radio