Question by A girl: How can i change as a person? How can i start over with my life? Please read and help me?
I just turned 20 years on 16th of this month. There’s no life that is all happy and perfect, I know that now. But i can’t help to say that my life is all messed up, like a messy storage room.

I didn’t have the peaceful and happy childhood like most kids had. I’ve watch my parents argue like hell and to a point almost got abusive, then found out that my dad has been having an a secret relationship with someone and then soon my parents separated. I’m an only uh “child” to my parents, so i’ve always been pretty much alone. I had friends but none of them were true to me, always remembered me when they needed something and when i needed a shoulder to cry on, no one was there, so i began isolating myself from everyone, even my own family. I don’t even have a close cousin, but it’s okay, my family (relatives not parents) weren’t that important to me coz they were most of the time mean to me. Anyways, throughout high school, things got out of control for me. I developed severe depression, social anxiety, BPD and soon became bulimic. No one knows though because i tend to put on masks on and act in a certain way depending on the situation and who i’m with. until now, i still don’t have a close friend, but that doesn’t matter to me anymore because i realized that we’re living in a time where there’s no such thing as ‘true friendship” only few are true to others.

But then i met my boyfriend who became almost close to me, i tend to not let him get too close because i’m afraid if i get too attached, something will happen and then he’ll leave, which he keeps saying he won’t because we’ve been together for 2 years now, he’s even planning on marrying me yet i can’t let him see me when i’m hurt or about to cry, i tend to keep those things to myself and just talk to him about other stuff. But I’m slowly getting used to talking to him about how i feel and he’s been patient with me about me opening up every now and then.

I feel like i don’t know where i’m going with my life.. I took some time off before going to University and worked for a part time at Pottery Barn till i can know how to fix myself. See, i’m really broken and like lost. I lost sense of direction and life. I don’t know what to study when i go to university this summer. I really wanna work on myself and get a hold of my life..I have no confidence whatsoever so like anything badly said about me it’ll be stuck in my head and affects me.. I wanna feel good enough about myself because i really don’t feel good enough to anyone. I’m super sensitive, sometimes selfish, i have a bad temper and very little patience with the ones who’re really close to me. Also, i’m always reminding my boyfriend that i don’t want kids. Like ever. Not even one .. it’s because I don’t want to have pregnancy weight nor do i want to handle the responsibility of being a parent. Yes, i am also a bit not a responsible person.. I want to change as a person.. i don’t wanna be like this (all that i’ve said) forever..

What I want is to know how can i start over? I need like pointers, notes or tips that i could take to help me get my life back on track because I’m 20 years old and I don’t want to keep growing up like this. I don’t want to be a 30 year old woman and having these things (not that it’s something to be ashamed of) .. So anyone can help me out?

Best answer:

Answer by Don’t Give Up
All I can say is pray about it. You might not believe in God, but I know that once I started believing & praying life got so much better for me!

Church’s are very open and helpful (not all, you’ll have to not give up)

Good luck! God bless.

Answer by Neil
Basically it sounds like you’re trying to ‘hold on’ to a place in your history, you’re trying to ‘fix’ time in place there.

That’s what you need to let go, you need to stop judging every moment by the moment you’re ‘aspiring’ to recreate because that moment never comes back, life moves, it’s fluid, what has been, is gone, you’ll never get it back, and in trying to ‘stay there’ you’re denying yourself the ‘rest of your journey’.

Seriously, you know the people that hold-on to the past, that are so invested in ‘when they were great’ that they’re pathetic now, you really don’t want that.

Learn to meditate(a great first course, would be MINDFULNESS) it’ll help you be in the moment, because you’re really missing out on life by trying to be a ‘kid for life’.

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