Question by Rachel: How to school an academically advanced but mentally behind child?
My son is 3 yrs old.

He is smart and eager to learn. He reads & writes & calculates before he turned 3. And, no, I didn’t give him classes. I only answer his questions. He taught himself phonics by surfing YouTube. He likes to spend time reading his books or read them to me. He is interested in elementary-level stories as well.

However, he’s mentally behind. He can’t recognize thirsty & hunger & tiredness, etc. and when he’s frustrated, he hits his teacher or disturbs others. I’d ask why he did that, he’d say ‘I don’t know’, then I’d give him water, he’d drink a lot, then come back to his normal self. Or I’d take him to bathroom, he’d pee, then calm down.

I first put him in a best Montessori school for half days when he was 2+. They have 1:4 ratio. He spent most of his days alone on projects. And the only words he said at school during that 6 months were “yes” and “no”. In order to improve his language and social skills, I then put him in a traditional school on a full-day program when he turned 3. They have the best fame from local elementary school, but the ratio is 1:10. He turned out to be the biggest headache to his teacher. There are good days when he’s happy throughout the day, but there are more bad days when he’s totally out of control. He doesn’t like to be told to do any activity. Maybe he has needs, but he can’t tell, so he hits. Then he’d be put on a time-out. But he’d continue to be rough for the rest of the day. He spent several weeks climbing onto his teacher, patting her breast/butt, making faces to others when she tried to make him sit when having a class.

How would you school a talented but troublesome boy?

Is it possible to make him tell his needs & feelings so he can work out with his current teacher/class? And should they let him play alone when he refuses to join group activities/ a class?

What about when he goes to elementary school? Since he’s mentally slow to mature, he won’t benefit from skipping grades, right? So how to make the learning challenging to him? And where to find those programs?

Best answer:

Answer by J-Dawn
It sounds like your son might be autistic. Have you had any testing done on him?

I ask this because I have a friend who has 2 children were autistic. They knew something was wrong with their oldest for awhile. They had her tested at 3, when she was reading at a 6th grade level but unable to potty train.

His outbursts are probably a sensory thing. He knows he’s hungry or thirsty, but he doesn’t know how to express it. The physical feeling of hunger is so uncomfortable to him that it causes a sort of sensory overload and makes him act out. Same with toileting.

I would imagine a similar situation in school. He could be having trouble with the noise level in the classroom (often times children with autism are very sensitive to noise). Next time he has a bad day, ask his teacher if there was a change in schedule that day. Have you ever noticed at home if he acts out after a change in the routine?

“How would you school a talented but troublesome boy?” – Get him tested for autism. That could answer a ton of questions.

“Is it possible to make him tell his needs & feelings so he can work out with his current teacher/class?” – Try visual supports. Many autistic children have trouble expressing themselves verbally, but can do better with choosing a picture. It’s a skill that has to be taught, though. Go to Pinterest and search “visual supports.”
Here’s a link to an awesome 5-point feeling scale that we use with not just our autistic children but all of our children who have trouble expressing themselves in an acceptable manner. http://www.mindwingconcepts.com/_blog/MindWing_Concepts_Blog/post/The_Incredible_5_Point_Scale_and_Narrative_Elements/

He also needs choices. Something he can do when he gets to that 4 or 5 to help him calm down. It shouldn’t be something that he really loves doing, like playing on the computer, or he’d do it all the time. Just something that calms him down, like a hug or sitting on a bean bag or hiding under a blanket. One of my students like to pretend he’s a turtle. When he’s upset, he gets underneath the bean bag, which is his turtle shell. As he’s calming down, he pops out first one arm and then the other, then one leg and then the other. When he pops out his head, we know he’s calmed down enough to join the group.

“And should they let him play alone when he refuses to join group activities/ a class?” – Yes and no. He needs to learn that there are things he HAS to do before he can do the things he WANTS to do. Once again, those visual supports will help. He needs a couple of things here. First he needs a picture schedule. This will help him know what is going on when. There are so many ways to do a picture schedule, depending on the severity of his need. With our students we start with actual photos of the room. Later, we move to just symbols. Eventually they can have a written schedule. It’s important that there’s a way for him to have some sort of way to indicate when an activity is over. For some of our students, we use velcro. When an activity is finished, they can take it off the schedule and put it in the “done” section. For others, all they need is a dry erase marker (we laminate everything). They can put a check by it or mark it off when it is finished. Something to visually show that it is over.

The other thing that will help is a “First/Then” board. It’s a very simple board that shows “I HAVE to do this before I GET to do that.” It helps him know that once he’s accomplished a task, there is a chance for him to do something he wants to do. BUT he has to do what he’s supposed to do first. Here’s an example http://specialneedsministry.org/2012/06/05/the-first-then-board/
Start small and work your way up.

“What about when he goes to elementary school? Since he’s mentally slow to mature, he won’t benefit from skipping grades, right? So how to make the learning challenging to him? And where to find those programs?”
I’m only going to type this once. NEVER say he’s mentally slow to mature EVER again.Take that out of your vocabulary. I will say this over and over and over–get him tested. If you get him tested, even if he’s not autistic, they might find something else and can get him the help he needs. Special education isn’t just for students with intellectual disabilities. It’s a specialized program that administers to his unique needs and abilities. One of my autistic students is in second grade and working on multiplication right now.

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