Question by Draenokh: Is helping a person really worth it if you never receive anything in return and others abuse what you do?
All i ever wanted was a simple thank you from people but everybody seems to forget the meaning of gratitude these days. It’s as if everyone just takes and never give back. I took the blame for a ruckus my best friend incited that could have caused a large strain in his relationship with his crush only to have him side with his crush and exacerbate the ruckus with me as the perpetrator. It’s been 3 weeks now and he completely ignored what he did to me. For weeks, i’ve been trying to help out a friend who has commitment issues by accompanying him in doing activities that involve commitment and perseverance. Those weeks were spent with me facing the music for covering that persons back whenever he pulls off one of his intermittent escape routines out of a lack of confidence and a truckload of other issues. I can write a whole book about the atmosphere of ungratefulness that has been floating around me lately but i think you guys get my point. The question is: Is helping a person really worth it if you never receive anything in return and others abuse what you do? Am i simply carrying more weight on my shoulders than i can carry? Am i just helping them the wrong way? Am i helping people too much? I am a strong believer in karma. If you do good things, life will pay you back the same way but right now, my patience is at it’s limit. I am tired of helping all these ungrateful people. There just doesn’t seem to be anything worth risking my time and effort for in doing this.

Best answer:

Answer by GeorgieGuy
Hi Draenokh,
There are three related issues you might consider regarding your question. 1. What constitutes “help?” 2. Kindness as an end in itself. 3. Establishing interpersonal boundaries. 1. What you may consider help could, in fact, be enabling the other person to continue dysfunctional behavior. In coping with substance abuse for example, helping the other person may involves withholding rather then offering support. Allowing the person to experience the real consequences of his/her actions may be the best way of really helping. So consider whether what you’ve been doing is actually allowing the person to become a better, stronger person. 2. Think of helping as an end in itself rather then a means to your feeling better or having your self-esteem needs met. That will enable you to give help without being disappointed. If you’re not behaving for your selfish motives you can’t be disappointed regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t do. 3. To avoid being overloaded and taken advantage of by others you need to establish boundaries. Learning to say “no” will enable you to maintain your equilibrium and prevent too many demands on your time and energy. Regards.

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