Seeing My GP/Crisis Intervention Team in an Hour. Should I Tell Them This?
Question by Mouche: Seeing my GP/Crisis intervention team in an hour. Should I tell them this?
Today I got the tape measure out of the kitchen drawer. I measured the circumference of my thighs, hips, chest, arms and neck. If I look back over my measurements since last November, I have generally taken off 5 inches all over. I promised myself 6 by my wedding day. With 5 weeks to go, that is still another inch. I know I can – I will achieve that if I reach the date.
So I looked at the measurements. I took an old pair of trousers out of my wardrobe and slipped them over my running shorts. Fair enough, they were huge. I know that I wore them when I was at my heaviest weight and even then the seams were loose, because I would rather squeeze into a smaller size than buy new clothes. Without even realising or thinking, I had taken myself downstairs, grabbed a pair of scissors, cut them to shreds and collapsed in tears on my bed. I took the longest strip I could find and tied six knots inwards from each end. I measured the last knot so that it was exactly an inch and a half smaller than my neck circumference, and put the strip around my neck. I turned off the phones, and turned on the TV. Every 5 or 10 minutes I tightened the material so that it was closer and closer towards the smallest point. I eventually got to the knot which was before the cut off point where I knew I would probably stop breathing. I must have measured or counted wrong because I then found myself waking up with the cats asleep on my chest and legs.
All I can think about now is that if I had gone that one knot further…
The thing is, I do not want to die. I just wish I had never been born in the first place. I am not so naive as to think that if I did die, nobody would be affected. I have just seen firsthand what death does to a family. What it looks like. That is why things have changed today. I don’t think I would consider slashing my wrists with a kitchen knife, as I previously thought. It’s too messy. Although I must admit the thought of drawing blood at the moment is particularly appealing as a form of release, nothing else.
I desperately want something to change my mind. I want there to be something, someone in my life that makes living seem to be a slight advantage, but at the moment I am so riddled with guilt and self-loathing that I can’t see it. Maybe that is what separates me from the rest. I really, really hope that I find that something before it is too late. I don’t want to reach the last knot, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that it is a possibility.
I have been diagnosed with Bulimia in the last 6 weeks, having suffered from in for 11 years.
Best answer:
Answer by DarkerPete
i understand where your coming from to a point personally i think u should talk to your GP about this, you should probably ask about counceling. also i think that the stress of losing weight for your wedding is partly be a factor but it is important that you talk to your GP first and good luck
Answer by passionsmic
I am sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but not quite sure what kind of advice ur looking for? One more tip, people tend to answer questions that are concise and to the point because we r all kinda lazy to read an entire page.
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