Question by : Should I call my husband and apologize?
My husband and I separated about two months ago but are committed to trying to make the relationship work. We are going to start counseling soon. We both view the reasons why we separated as very differently. For me, it was because he never seemed happy, always complained about me, and had severe anger management issues, including screaming, swearing and raging at me. His reason is that “he had to move out of his own house because his wife won’t stop telling him what to do and trying to be his mother.” I think we obviously have work to do!

It seems whenever we have a conflict now, perhaps he is trying to control his anger and rage, so now he just walks away. Although he is still throwing “temper tantrums”. The other day he threw a pan of cookies I had just made on the floor. The week before that he kicked over a plant that he had just bought for me a few hours before.

Today he was over and started talking about how it seems everyone in his life is against him, and that he tries hard to please people and no one respects him. I suggested that perhaps it is only his perception that people are against him and sugggested that surely not everyone in his life can be against him? He said that he didn’t want my opinion, just to listen to him. He then started saying his line of “I had to move out because my wife won’t stop trying to be my mother and control everything I say and do”. To be honest, I was just sick to death of having to hear anymore toxic negative crap! I did not want to get into it. It hurt me that he started blaming me. So I just said, “I don’t know what to say, sorry you are feeling so down.” I then went outside and asked him to come outside so I could show him the garden. So I guess I pretty much dismissed what he was saying.

I expected him to come outside but instead he just left the house and drove off and didn’t even say a word to me.

This is pretty much typical, he gets upset and he takes off. But now I feel bad and like my day is ruined. Should I call him later and apologize or wait for him to call me?

Best answer:

Answer by Jessica
Sounds like you both have communication issues. He also has anger issues and doesn’t know how to handle it properly.

Counseling would be a great place for you to start.
Yes, I think you should call and apologize and tell him that you are trying to make an effort. Let him see that.
Don’t be a door mat but you also have to learn to pick your battles. Relationships are about compromise.

Doesn’t sound like there is much respect either.

Answer by Mark H
Quit smothering and quit trying to manage things….sounds like he needs a little space and support and compassion. I don’t know what is wrong with him and he certainly needs to get his anger issues under control, and it is obviously tough for him to do with you around. For whatever reason, right now you just rub him the wrong way. Just back off for a little while and go to counseling and proceed cautiously.

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